I need to talk about something

Hello friends! Welcome to my blog The Phat Girl Blog. If you are new here than welcome! I hope you find something you enjoy or at the very least can complain about in the comments ;-). This post is because I need to talk, it is for pure conversation, that’s all.

A little back story, let’s tal

I have been through many different experiences in my 31 years of life. Some good, some not. I have previously spoken about my experiences with mental illness *see link below* https://thephatgirlblog.com/2019/10/14/what-my-mental-illness-has-taught-me-trigger-warnings-for-overdose-and-suicide-attempts/

This past week has been a mental struggle. Negative thoughts seems to be creeping their way back into my brain. Honestly this “experience” is not something I enjoy (I can’t imagine anyone would).

My therapist (yes, I attend therapy. I highly suggest it) likes to turn the tables on me by asking things such as “what would you say to someone else who is saying those types of things to themselves”.

This question can be quite difficult for me because I am very nice and helpful to others and extremely hard on myself. I know this is not uncommon, and I say basically every session that I wouldn’t want anyone to feel the way I feel.

So I suppose the question to myself is “if I don’t want others to feel this way, why is it okay if I feel this way?”. Now I’m not saying you can’t have emotions and feelings. We’re not robots here (at least not that I’m aware of). I’m also definitely not suggesting that feelings aren’t valid either.

I suffer with suicidal thoughts and ideation. It comes a lot less frequently than it previously did but it’s definitely something I don’t enjoy. It’s not a pleasant feeling by any means.

The end? ……..

Definitely not! I fight everyday and continue to fight because I know I’m worth it. Just like you are.

Sorry this post is such a downer, sometimes it helps to just put your thoughts out there. I just want people to know that even though bad or negative experiences happen, they wont last forever.

I started writing this post a week ago. Currently it is Friday, Nov 8, 2019. I’m in a much better head space and I’m not overwhelmed by negative thoughts. I am feeling much better at the moment. 🙂

Is there anything you would like to talk about or need to get off your chest? Feel free to leave a comment below or you can email me at – thephatgirlblog@hotmail.com

Till next time

Tanya xoxo

16 thoughts on “I need to talk about something”

  1. Brave post. Hope you stay strong. Also consider getting professional help before the next bout hits. It’s a bit like making an emergency plan in case of fire before the actual fire. You’ll cope better that way xx

  2. I am glad writing is part of your outlet. You will definitely not only help yourself but you’ll also help others. Wishing you a great week.

  3. I call it the voice. Basically that internal dialogue that repeats the negative stuff. It gets louder when I allow stress in and/or cannot sleep. It’s not a good voice and mentally saying “that’s not true” or “I’m busy with productive stuff so take a hike” all help me reset the mindset. I don’t know what works for you but there are a lot of us that struggle as you do. ❤️❤️❤️

  4. I’m grateful that you have someone to talk to about your issues. I am between Wellness programs and have not been in sessions for two months now while they try to get me into a new place. The walls seem to be closing in and I too am struggling. I just continue to meditate, blog, do my deep breathing and take short rides to the gym. I really hope you get better could I’m 50 years old and feeling with this and have been dealing with this for most of my life. Hopefully both of us will not spend the rest of our lives with all this crap inside of us. I wish you well

    1. I’m sorry you struggle with this Greg, I know how hard it is. Honestly it may sound dumb, but what helps me is “grounding”. Focusing on stuff I can see, smell, touch, hear, ect. Its gotten me through panic attacks and negative thoughts as well. I hope today is a good day for you.

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