Hello friends! Welcome to my blog The Phat Girl Blog. If you are new here than welcome! I hope you find something you enjoy or at the very least can complain about in the comments ;-). This post is because I need to talk, it is for pure conversation, that’s all.
A little back story, let’s talk
I have been through many different experiences in my 31 years of life. Some good, some not. I have previously spoken about my experiences with mental illness *see my mental health story here*
This past week has been a mental struggle. Negative thoughts seems to be creeping their way back into my brain. Honestly this “experience” is not something I enjoy (I can’t imagine anyone would).
My therapist (yes, I attend therapy. I highly suggest it) likes to turn the tables on me by asking things such as “what would you say to someone else who is saying those types of things to themselves”.
This question can be quite difficult for me because I am very nice and helpful to others and extremely hard on myself. I know this is not uncommon, and I say basically every session that I wouldn’t want anyone to feel the way I feel.
So I suppose the question to myself is “if I don’t want others to feel this way, why is it okay if I feel this way?”. Now I’m not saying you can’t have emotions and feelings. We’re not robots here (at least not that I’m aware of). I’m also definitely not suggesting that feelings aren’t valid either.
I suffer with suicidal thoughts and ideation. It comes a lot less frequently than it previously did but it’s definitely something I don’t enjoy. It’s not a pleasant feeling by any means.
The end? ……..
Definitely not! I fight everyday and continue to fight because I know I’m worth it. Just like you are.
Sorry this post is such a downer, sometimes it helps to just put your thoughts out there. I just want people to know that even though bad or negative experiences happen, they wont last forever.
I started writing this post a week ago. Currently it is Friday, Nov 8, 2019. I’m in a much better head space and I’m not overwhelmed by negative thoughts. I am feeling much better at the moment. 🙂
Is there anything you would like to talk about or need to get off your chest? Feel free to leave a comment below or you can email me at – firstname.lastname@example.org
Till next time